I’m writing this post because it’s been 10 friggin’ years since I found out I was pregnant! And these last 10 years have been such a whirlwind! But, when I actually rewind my thoughts all the way back and push pause on 2007, I see an entirely different person. I’m sure everyone would, because 10 years is a long time.
In 2007 I was in grade 11. I dropped out of school due to anxiety and depression, but I went back the very next term. My only friend at school at the time was my bestie Mallory. And besides school I basically lived and breathed my new relationship with Nick. They were the only two friends I had at the time.
We spent all out time together, and it was that amazing experience of falling in love and just wanting to be with that person 24/7. Even going to school felt like hell because we had to be apart for six hours. I never thought I would be that person, the clingy girlfriend, but I was, and so was he, and we were happy.
I wrote about my teen pregnancy experience in my zine Punk and Pregnant, so I won’t go into a ton of details about that. What I will talk about is who I was at the time, a person who seems like a stranger now.
So who was I when I was 17? Well, I was many things. For one, I was extremely depressed and anxious, but didn’t how to handle it. I talked to my doctor who had me go to counselling, which really didn’t help. Looking back, the woman who was trying to help just didn’t jive with me.
Being depressed when you’re too young to understand is really hard. I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I partied a lot and slept a lot, and spent a lot of time alone in my parents basement. And I was so, so lonely.
I was a good kid, I just didn’t know how to handle my strong emotions.
I also had no idea what I wanted to do in life. I thought about being a writer or an artist, but was told over and over again that those weren’t realistic career goals. People constantly tried to steer me towards something more business related. And once Sidney was born, Nick had a good job and all I had to worry about was finishing my high school diploma. So I didn’t give it much thought until she was older.
Nick and I moved out when I was 18. We rented a little two-bedroom apartment close to downtown. And we were happy! For the first time in a long time, I was happy.
I love being Sid’s mom, and I have always loved being her mom. We would spend our days at the park, reading books, swimming, playing at library drop-in groups, playing with dinosaurs and horses, making snowmen, baking cookies and banana bread and gardening on our little balcony.
Since then Nick, Sidney and I have moved two more times, into the townhouse we are in now.
I finished my high school diploma at home, and then earned a journalism diploma, and now I’m in school working towards a BA in Public Relations.
I made new friends, and stayed close to old friends. I’m not nearly as lonely.
I’m continuing to work on my mental health every day, and learning what works and what doesn’t.
I’ve had over a dozen different jobs, including a portrait photographer, artist apprentice, photo lab technician, grocery store clerk, bookkeeper and more. But I’m happy to say I’ve made my dream of becoming a writer a reality.
And my daughter will be celebrating her 10th birthday this fall.
A lot happens in 10 years.
It’s weird to look back.